


Lieben

by Nihonkikuasa211



Category: Code Black (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, F/M, Insecurity, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-19
Updated: 2016-02-19
Packaged: 2018-05-21 13:52:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6054004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nihonkikuasa211/pseuds/Nihonkikuasa211
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Malaya's and Christa's conversation is extended from "Love Hurts."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lieben

**Author's Note:**

> Lieben - verb meaning to love in German. 
> 
> I thought I wouldn't write anything until next week, but I couldn't resist.

          

             _Lieben_

            “You should stop worrying, you know.”

            Christa turned and found Malaya looking across from her as the blond resident scanned the chart of her patient – a teenage boy named Cody with cigarette burns over his arms, and malnourished – and that moment, a brief flame of indignant anger rose inside Christa before it disappeared. _“It’s unacceptable.” I shouldn’t have asked her about what she wanted to say,_ the blond resident thought as she turned her head to see the said doctor, Grace Adams, walking away from the ER. It was odd to Christa of how the sight of the Angles jacket could cause such an emotion from her. Normally, the blond resident was kind and welcomed new doctors or nurses to the hospital, but somehow Christa found herself thinking about the time of when the long-haired doctor had worked for Angels before, when she had been with Neal.

            _“You should keep your mind on the medicine.”_

 _I guess…I’m more insecure than I thought._ With the last thought on her mind, Christa turned to the younger resident.

            “What do you mean, Malaya?”

            A soft sigh escaped from Malaya’s lips, and she shook her head as if Christa was a child.

            “You know that Neal has no interest in her, right?”

            _Yes._ Christa knew. She had seen the familiar – the achingly familiar – hurt and anger in Neal’s face as he talked with Grace after she told him a doctor was asking for him. It was subtle, but it was there. She had tried to talk to Neal about his history with Grace, but her boyfriend continued to reply with vague answers. _I didn’t even know that the scarf he gave me had been a gift from her._ Christa had laughed when Neal had given her the scarf, asking him why he would give her such an object in California. Neal had smiled, a smile that Christa adored, and told her that it was there to keep her warm. It had been a touching moment. The moment wasn’t gone – Christa would never give it away unlike some – but it had an unknown history that she wasn’t certain that she was ready for. Neal didn’t smile around Grace and his demeanor changed, something odd to Christa, who had been so used to the kind doctor’s gentle and patient manner. A small voice played in her head, making her think of why she had said those words to Grace.

            _It was insecurity, yes, but something else too…_

Before Christa could speak, however, Malaya continued. Her expression turned faintly wistful and faint grief appeared in her eyes.

            “When Carla and I broke up, I thought I had never experienced such pain before.” Malaya’s voice was quiet, and Christa looked at her friend with sympathetic eyes as she began to tell the story of yet another lost loved one. “I don’t think we ever stopped loving each other, not really.” Malaya sighed from deep in her chest and tugged a stray hair back into place. “When I saw her again, I was surprised, but the feelings that I had for her came back...and it was then that I realized that I never stopped loving Carla. I think,” the younger resident said with a catch in her voice, “that I will always love her. She may not be my first love, but I don’t think I can ever love a person nearly as much.”

 _I thought the same way about my ex-husband,_ Christa thought as she remembered the feeling of emptiness as the man she had come to accept as her other half walked away from her. It had taken time to repair herself, but Christa could never forget the pain of being left behind. Of realizing that someone you had spent the darkest days simply didn’t love you as much as you loved them, and too heartbroken to start over again. Then she had met Neal. Neal…breathed fresh air into her life, her lungs. She had told him that there was nothing more that she wanted than to be the best doctor she could be. How _wrong_ she was. The smile Neal had given her as he kissed her as they entered his apartment still burned like fire, and the way of how his fingers stroked her knuckles in the afterglow. _He wanted to make me breakfast,_ Christa remembered fondly, tears almost appearing in her eyes at the thought. Even her ex-husband, when they were still dating, had only asked her if she would take a shower with him. Making breakfast…somehow seemed more intimate than allowing the one you loved to wash your body. Christa had told the kind and gentle man Neal was that there was no time, pressing her nose against his skin as she stroked his back.

            The blond further remembered of how Neal had stared at her fondly, and of how his lips felt so _right_ against her own as she ran her fingers through his hair.

            Then Gina Perello had died.

            And then Grace Adams had come back.

            “I was actually an intern at Angles that Grace left, and I remember of how sad he looked.” Malaya licked her lips slightly and watched Christa’s expression. A knowing, but painful look, echoed across her face. “He wouldn’t speak unless he had to, and I remembering thinking that it what a broken heart looked like. Grace hurt him, Christa, so I’m not surprised he didn’t go back to her like she probably thought.”

            “She did, actually.” Christa remembered overhearing the conversation between Neal and Grace, and he heart inwardly clenched at the sound of pain in Neal’s voice.

_“After you and I were over.”_

_“In a lot of ways, I think I know you better than anyone.”_

_“No.”_ There was a faint hoarseness in Neal’s voice that Christa came to recognize as one in – deep – pain. _“No. You don’t.”_

“He may have loved Grace, but I can see an entirely different way he looks at you.” Malaya’s dark eyes bored into Christa’s blue. “I see the way he looks at you, Look into his eyes, Christa.”

            _I haven’t done much else,_ Christa thought as she remembered the countless times she and Neal had spent time with each other outside of work – which wasn’t much, but it was a new tradition for that they would have breakfast at Hector’s whenever the morning shift was over. Christa adored of how Neal’s dark eyes seemed to brighten and _smile_ as they spent their time together, and the blond resident had absently wondered if he could see her feelings for him as she could see his. The younger darker-haired resident continued to stare at her friend, who appeared to calm slightly as a memory resurfaced in her mind.

            “You see how happy he is around you, don’t you?” Christa nodded, not certain if she could speak. “I know he knows how you feel about him, too. So…” Malaya briefly checked over the file in her hand and glanced at Christa. “Why the insecurity? You can tell me, Christa,” Malaya gently added as the older resident remained silent. “I was the first one you told about your relationship with Neal after…what happened.” Malaya’s voice remained steady, but Christa could see the tension in the female’s hands as she clutched the red binder.

            Christa gave Malaya a small smile.

            “Remember Mario’s reaction? He couldn’t believe that we actually broke the rules, and looked at Neal with a funny loo on his face for a couple of days.” The female residents shared a small laugh before a serious expression appeared on Christa’s face.

            “I’m worried that I won’t be enough,” Christa confessed. It was a thought that had steadily grown in the passing days as Grace started to get to know Angles again, and as Neal began his position as a surgical attending. “I don’t know of their history, or of what happened between them, but I am worried that I won’t get a chance.” A strange lump appeared in her throat, and Christa cleared her throat. “I’m not jealous of Grace. I just…don’t know if I will have the chance of having what she had.”

            “You want…what she had?” Malaya asked carefully.

            “Yes,” Christa stated with building emotion. She blinked. “I want so much, and I wonder if maybe I’m in over my head to think that I lo –” Christa’s voice halted, and her eyes widened at what she had almost said. Her heart echoed in her eyes. _Was I really going to say that?_ It had only been seven months since meeting Neal. It had not even been three months since they started becoming _us_ instead of simply colleague to colleague. It was hard enough that Christa didn’t see Neal as often as before. She missed working by his side. But…to think that her feelings had come so far so fast was mindboggling.

            Malaya gave her friend a small, sad smile. “It took Carla a year to tell me that she loved me, and it took me another six months to those words back to her. Now I wish…” Malaya shook her head, and continued. “I believe he feels the same, Christa. When I see you enter the room,” the younger resident stated with fondness, “it’s like you’re Neal’s entire world.”

            “It’s only been a few months,” Christa stated quietly. “If it is true, then –”

            “Sometimes three months if all it takes,” Malaya stated. With a brief look into Christa’s eyes, the younger resident gave her a sudden grin. “You should tell him, Christa.”

            Christa waited for Neal outside of the OR, knowing that his shift would end soon. Her stomach slightly flipped at the thought of what had occurred earlier that day. She could be in love with Neal. Although Christa had thought about her feelings for the now-surgical attending, she hadn’t thought that her feelings for him would develop so quickly, and so dramatically. If someone had told her a year ago that she would start a relationship with a superior and fall in love, Christa would have laughed and thought of it as a joke. But the smile on her face was real, and Christa felt her face almost breaking at the sight of Neal walking out of the OR.

            “Christa.” He smiled as well, and his demeanor relaxed at the sight of the blond resident. “I thought you would be –”

            Christa didn’t give Neal enough time to respond, as she almost jumped into his arms and kissed him passionately. Although his lips were still for a couple of moments in shock, Neal’s lips too captured her own, and for a couple of moments, the two’s lips remained locked until Christa pulled apart.

            A part of her felt satisfaction as she saw a slightly dazed and breathless expression on Neal’s face before he spoke.

            “Does that require translation?”

            Christa smiled as Neal slightly wet his lips as Christa moved toward him, eventually leaning her forehead against his.

            “This is the only German I know, but…” Christa stared into Neal’s eyes, searching his dark brown orbs and she cupped his right cheek.

            _“Ich liebe dich.”_

* * *

 

It was only a couple of days later, after a hectic day of code black, that Neal understand the meaning of what Christa had said.

            And as they laid in bed, with his fingers caressing her hair, Neal replied too, that he loved her.

**Author's Note:**

> I chose the German language because I found (not entirely certain if it is accurate) that the name Lorenson originates from Dutch/Danish/Northern Germany. I love foreign languages too, as you could probably tell by reading my other stories. Tell me what you think!


End file.
